Reminders to Self:

-  In order to make up for my bad memory and two hundred students, judge children based on their names.  Boys named Jules are always popular, Enzo's are too cool for school and Maxime's are nerds.  Leelou's are adorable, Léa's are smart and kids with unpronounceable names thankfully respond well to "Hey, you, over there."
-  Do not burst out laughing every time a kid shouts "punking pee" instead of "pumpkin pie."  Yes, it is hilarious and I will never be able to think about pumpkin pie the same way again, but after fifty times, it's not funny anymore.  Oh wait, yes it is.

-  "If You're Happy and You Know It" and "Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes" are great songs for teaching but will immediately cause mass chaos when employed.  Reserve for the last five minutes of the lesson so I can slip out after and their teacher can figure out how to peel kids off the ceiling. 

- Do not ever, EVER attempt to teach "The 12 Days of Christmas" to non-English speakers.  It is not worth the ensuing horror.  Stick with "We Wish You A Merry Christmas."

-  Do not try to explain the difference between Saint Nicholas and Santa Claus.  It will only confuse the children more and cause them to question existence of both.  Easier to say that we celebrate Saint Nicholas Day in the U.S. and follow the teacher's lead and shout "à cause de décalage horaire!" when asked how Santa Claus visits both France and America during the same night, despite the fact that this is confusing to me because I thought décalage horaire meant jet lag which leaves me with the image of a very tired, confused Santa constantly resetting his watch as his sleigh flies through time zones.

-  Kids could care less about culture lessons.  When shown a painstakingly-crafted slideshow of Christmas in America, all they will want to know is how did they get the star on top of the big Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center?  In the future, predict such questions and research answers so we can move on and not get stuck arguing about it for fifteen minutes.

-  Remember that at any moment I may be called upon to do duties outside of my job description.  While being put in charge as a referee of a handball tournament may have really caught me off guard, I learned a valuable lesson:  Never again agree to be a referee of any sport that 1) I don't know the rules to, and 2) that might involve the players charging the referee and screaming in French about a wrongly-called foul.  I’m sorry that I accidentally shouted sortie when I meant trop haut.  I learned the rules five minutes ago.

-  Always wear the annoying rubber band bracelets that the children give me, even if they threaten to cut off my circulation.  Not doing so will prompt severe reprimands and give me a preview of jealous boyfriends to be.  “Why aren’t you wearing the bracelet I gave you?  I thought you said you weren’t going to take it off.  Next time I see you you better have it on.”

-  It would be best never to repeat any vocabulary I learned from reading Bridget Jones' Diary in French, as tempting as it would be to incorporate "frigid bitch" and "dildo" into conversations. 

Ever wonder what a class full of French kids singing “Jingle Bells” would sound like?